You've spent months re-architecting your monolith into the new microservices vision. Everyone gathers around to flip the switch. You navigate to the first page...and nothing happens. Refresh...still nothing. The site is so slow, it won't respond for minutes. What happened? In this session, I'll walk through a post-mortem of a real-life microservice disaster. I'll show the modeling, development and production problems we found, and how we slowly morphed the new distributed monolith into our final picture of sanity. While we can't prevent project failures, we can at least identify problems early on in our design so that our final product results in a clean, robust distributed system.